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Baby, don't say goodbye.

Reach my prismic soul.
OH. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. And don't judge because you don't have the right to. Only God can judge me.

Je M'appelle Kat.

20+ going on 13.

Addicted to musiQue, junk fOod, boOks, make up, cartOons, eeyoRe, foTograpHie, ISK.

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Friday, March 20, 2009 { 4:12 AM }

Jadinya begini, seorang saudara aku bakal berkahwin in mid April. Lantas, neneknya yang juga merangkap makcikku merangkap kakak kepada ibuku menghantar kartu undangan untuk ke majlis itu. Tapi hairannya tidak ada satu pun kad untuk kami. Ya, mungkin saja karena kami saudara dekat lalu dititip melalui pesanan mulut saja.

Tapi yang lebih menghairankan aku ialah kartu-kartu itu adalah undangan untuk jiranku, untuk orang-orang yang bisa saja di'pass'kan kartu itu dengan mengetuk pintu atau berjumpa di tempat mereka berjualan. Pelik. Aku terasa seperti babu mungkin. Namun ibuku berkata ia wajib untuk kita jalankan kerana itu satu amanah. 

The thing here is amanah. Trustworthy. Tapi how trustworthy do they expect us to be when half the people's name on the cards are people I don't even know or worse still, kenal tapi tak tahu dimana letaknya rumah mereka. Bila ditanya melalui telefon, dia menyatakan si polan dan si anu. But who the hell are these people? 

Mum seems to know who they are but because of her condition, it becomes a hinder for her to actually deliver the cards. Dorang ingat mak aku dirumah hanya goyang kaki aja? Well, that's where they're wrong. We are all busy people despite the fact that we are always at home. 

Then there's the thing about adat. Adat sememangnya memberatkan. I mean, kalau nak ikutkan adat there are many things yang tak boleh buat. Despite me being a modern woman, I don't really praktikkan adat resam budaya kita but I just follow the basic guidelines with a twince of rebellion. I still believe we need to respect our elders but more so if they respect us back. My mum knows this fact very much as I am not afraid to voice out my thoughts with her. I'm not the same with my in laws because they are the very traditional-anak-cannot-have-different-pemikiran. I'm baffled by their 'knowledge'. I feel smothered when I'm with them cos I can't express myself. Itulah orang kata, different family different ways. Masuk reban ayam berkokok, masuk kandang harimau, mengaum. Despite them acknowledging that they are far more traditional than other people, I still see flaws in their 'traditional'ness. 

Like my aunt, kalau nak ikut adat she would be the one who have to pass all the cards herself. My mum and me did it during my wedding. We went around Singapore to pass the card to relatives and friends. Even though mum was having walking problems then, she still pursued to do almost everything herself. For that I salute her. For the strength and for being there for me during my wedding. Helping in every single way. 

I'd rather live my life, according to my religion rather than my custom. Kalau mau ikut adat, ya boleh aja tapi ikut cara terus-terusan. Jangan buat kerja separuh jalan aja. And don't claim that orang lain tak kenal adat when it's yourself yang masih terpinga-pinga. Mungkin da jadi amalan orang melayu untuk saling mencerca rather than memberi perangsang. 

Kadang-kadang aku jadi confused dengan sikap orang tua kita. Mahunya anak-anak mengikut kehendak mereka. Lantas waktu anak berkata bakal mengahwini janda anak 3, mereka menentang sekeras hati. Tapi mereka tak pernah berfikir secara logika. Kalau hati sudah suka sama suka, kentutnya busuk boleh dikata wangi. Hahaha. Buat apa ditentang? Kan elok aja memberi kata semangat supaya anaknya cepat berkahwin. Makanya mereka terbebas dari segala dosa. Dan I don't think it is in our place to judge gimana personaliti orang itu, gimana isi hatinya, baik atau jahat dengan hanya memandang status. Acapkali orang yang bertudung itu bukan saja menutup rambut dan aurat mereka malah menutup hati dan mulut yang begitu busuk sekali. True, no? Lantas ketika makcikku serta anaknya memprotes akan hubungan anak saudara ku dengan bakal isterinya, aku menjadi marah. Aku berkata pada ibuku, who are they to judge her? Sedangkan Allah memberi umatNya peluang untuk memperbaiki diri mereka berkali-kali apatah lagi kita manusia. Doesn't she deserve a 2nd chance? Dan before they start pointing out her status, they should look at their own status. Sama aja sepertinya; janda. Jika mereka membela diri mereka dengan menunjukkan amalan-amalan baik mereka, mereka sudah ketandusan satu pahala. Mereka menyisih dan mengeji janda walhalnya mereka sendiri janda. 

Aku jadi makin tak faham dengan perilaku mereka. Bersolatnya menunjuk, ke kelas ugama menunjuk, bersedekah menunjuk. Gimana hidup mau sempurna jika semua dibuat hanya untuk menunjuk. Bukankah Allah ada berkata, amalan baik yang kita buat tidak perlu menunjuk-nunjuk dan keaiban manusia lain tak perlu kita gembar gemburkan. Jika kita memelihara aib orang nescaya Allah menutup segala aib kita juga. Insyallah.

Well, whatever it is...aku happy dengan hidup aku sekarang. Rezeki sentiasa ada dan juga aku tidak perlu menunjuk. Untuk apa? Cukup aku dan keluargaku merasa nikmatnya. Fullstop. 

Life made up of Faith and Hope,

Kat xOxO